I’ve Been Carrying It Around For Three Years But Tonight I Finally Got To Throw This F*cking Hat

By: Erick Rippersen (@erickrippersen)

In December 2019 I bought a Bruins snapback to put in my wife’s stocking for Christmas. Neither of us ever wore hats, but I explained that this hat was not for wearing- it was for throwing. We habitually attend a few Bruins games (usually in the NY metropolitan area) each year and to that point had never seen a hat trick, but in the event that we would ever see one, I wanted us to be ready. 

When Covid hit, it became clear that we weren’t going to any Bruins games for a while. Like many others, my hair grew long. It got to the point where a hat would come in handy to keep my salad under control, and so I “borrowed” the one I’d given my wife, always keeping the brim flat because I was convinced there would come a day when I would need it to be aerodynamic.

It was calendar years before we could attend another Bruins game, and so I’d been doing a lot more wearing than throwing this hat, but once we were allowed back in the building I did so each time with it strapped to my belt. 2021, 2022, 2023- each Bruins game versus the Islanders, the Devils, and the Rangers came and went without one of our guys hitting the magical third tally.

At some point during this season, we saw the away Flyers game towards the end of the schedule and wondered, “should we try and make it to that one? We’ll probably be seeing the Providence Bruins playing the god-awful Flyers, but it could be fun!” We bought tickets on a whim and made plans to visit some breweries while we were in town. It wasn’t until the Saturday night before the trip, when the B’s won game 62, that we realized we had a chance to witness history. 

Before we left, I almost didn’t bring it. I thought, “what are the chances?” Not wanting to jinx it, I of course grabbed the hat off the shelf for one last chance of the regular season at ridding ourselves of it.

We get to the game, and we’re in the ninth row behind the Boston net. The protective netting is like 100 feet high or something. I ask her if, in the event, she wants to try and throw it. I think at this point, I’d been wearing it so often that she just saw it as my hat, and so it would fall on me to do the deed if a hat trick was scored.

I do not have the arm strength to get it over the netting. There’s no way. Do I run down to the front row and flick it through the gap between the netting and the glass? Sounds tricky, not to mention utterly unsatisfying. Therefore I came up with my plan: if someone on the Bruins gets a hat trick, I’m going to have to run back up the stairs, go through the concourse, come out at the first section without the protective netting, and get down the stairs in time. I think of all this before the puck even drops- it’s all “just in case”.

Then Pasta does the thing.

I dash up the stairs, fly through the concourse, taking out little kids and old ladies the whole way, weasel my way around the event staff at the top of the stairs, and make it down to a landing where I stand worried that I’ve been building up this moment in my mind for so long that I’m gonna botch the throw somehow. Instead, the hat frisbees perfectly from my hand, spins and sails, and softly lands right side up like a UFO inside the center faceoff circle. Winded from the 30 second sprint (God I’m old) I turn around to head back up the stairs.

“That felt good,” I wheeze, huffing and puffing. A Flyers fan that witnessed the whole thing says to me, “Well done.”

I know we’ve all heard on TV or in conversation something like, “if you lose your hat at a hockey game, it was a good night”. Boston’s 63rd win, a record breaker, combined with Pastrnak’s 60th of the season for his 300th career goal?

Yeah, I’d say it was a pretty fucking good night to throw out that hat.